Hello.
And welcome to my first Valentine's Day special.
It’s just going to be a brief one this time.
And, yes there is an issue I’m going to focus on: inappropriate valentine’s gifts, more specifically one that was recently (/unfortunately) brought to my attention:
Now I may be quite inept when it comes to the opposite gender, but, if I was to get someone a gift for St. Valentine’s Day I would (hopefully) come up with something that women like, such as flowers, chocolate, jewellery etc.
Now obviously even I know it isn’t as simple as that, with flowers for example, there are many types, although the Rose is traditional, even then there’s the single or dozen argument, and with chocolate there are similar debates, do you get Truffles, Belgian chocolate, Miniature heroes, Quality street, Roses or Anus...
Yeah, that’s right...
I present to you, the incredible edible anus...
As the website claims "For us, making chocolate is an art, which is why we only produce traditional hand made chocolate of the highest standard. We also believe the anus range can dissolve cultural boundaries of race, gender, and sexual orientation." you heard it, not only are these anus shaped, they are hand-made, belgian chocolates! (Romantic, eh?)
I personally cannot wait for the Marks and Spencers advert when they get hold of these! "These are no ordinary belgian choclolates, no, these are M&S finest quality, hand made, arse shaped, belgian chocolates."
A company with as much pride in itself as this could not sell these these things without some quotes from famous people, unfortunately however, with a product like this the main quote they've been able to find is that of "They’re fab – I want to get my hands on some more!" - Graham Norton. says it all really, doesn't it.
Now, as previously mentioned i’m no expert in the field of gifts for valentines day, but surely, this is just wrong. Although, however much doubt I have over this product, I canot help but feel it is selling fairly well, I suspect this for two reasons:
The first reason being that instead of just selling them singley there is the option to buy a set of three, dark, milk and white belgian chocolates:
Now this in itself may seem extravagant and unneccesary (much like the initial product itself), but this is nothing compared to the second reason I suspect people are buying this, with a degree of apprehension I present to you, the solid silver, engraveable, limited edition anus:
Words cannot express the amount of WTF flying around my head right now, and (yet again) it get's worse, these things are selling for £260 each!
What in the name of all that is holy would possess you to spend £260 on a silver, engraved arsehole. I don't know. But if you think you do know please let me know and i'll refer you to THIS website.
If, however, your opinion differs from mine and you would actually like a chocolate (or silver) anus then please look HERE, and then please feel free to never look at me again.
As you may have noticed, i'm not a fan. I think that should I be doing anything at all for valentines day it will be to stay in and have a romantic dinner, perhaps from this cookbook...
you read that corectly, semen-based recipes!
Now I feel sick!
long Live Internet Romance.
Happy Valentines,
SHEP.
